Try as I might it is very hard to forget what this day means, it changed so many things. I don't acknowledge this day on Facebook or any other social media. I don't discuss my feelings or the events of this day with anyone. Sometimes though I just need a sounding board so I write it all down and send it out into the universe via this page. You probably laugh that I would put it online instead of seeking out a friend, you know me strangers are easier. It has been three years to the day since you passed. I prefer the word passed or left because in my mind, sometimes, I am able to just trick into believing that you are merely out and about. In my mind, late at night when the house is quite I can still hear you say Mama. Memories pop up often, some good, some not, I like to think you send them to me, to let me know your still around. Parts of you are still out there in the world, your heart, your kidneys your liver. Four lives and the lives of their families were touched through your unselfish gift. I am happy for them, yet I will never seek out nor agree to meet them. I would rather think that they are all doing well and living a full life. The kind of life you should of/could of lived had you not left.
Your children are all doing well, they are beautiful. Each has their own special thing about them that uniquely remind me of you. They are growing they are flourishing. The 14 year old is testing her boundaries, making a's and b's in school and just being an ordinary teen ager. The 9 year old has finally come into his own at school and is also making a's and b's. The 6 year old had all a's. Three smart, compassionate, funny and beautiful children. You no doubt are very proud of them, just as I am. On tough days they are my glue, I am so glad they are here.
We continue to celebrate you every chance we get. Your birthday, Mother's day, Christmas, talk of you is always included in our celebrations. We will never forget you, your name is not taboo in our house, you are spoke of often. I just wish you were still here. You are truly missed and very much loved.
I may come back later and add more to this but for now I need to go, the tears are falling and I am beginning to ramble, just know Amber I Love You.
Your children are all doing well, they are beautiful. Each has their own special thing about them that uniquely remind me of you. They are growing they are flourishing. The 14 year old is testing her boundaries, making a's and b's in school and just being an ordinary teen ager. The 9 year old has finally come into his own at school and is also making a's and b's. The 6 year old had all a's. Three smart, compassionate, funny and beautiful children. You no doubt are very proud of them, just as I am. On tough days they are my glue, I am so glad they are here.
We continue to celebrate you every chance we get. Your birthday, Mother's day, Christmas, talk of you is always included in our celebrations. We will never forget you, your name is not taboo in our house, you are spoke of often. I just wish you were still here. You are truly missed and very much loved.
I may come back later and add more to this but for now I need to go, the tears are falling and I am beginning to ramble, just know Amber I Love You.